College is an interesting place. It’s the only place in the world where you are judged by your ability to shotgun a beer.  I’ve always thought shotgunning beers is a great way to bring the much needed spark to a party. The guy who rallies up the troops to start the shotgunning escapades is usually pretty cool. The guy who sprays everyone with a pathetic attempt to puncture the beer is usually pretty awful. The guy who finishes his beer first in the circle of shotgunners is a legend. I’ve always wanted to be that guy but was never blessed with the “it” factor that all raging alcoholics posses. So I began to cheat. The move is to shotgun half of the beer then crush it in your hand and toss it over your shoulder as far as you can. Your friends will begin to envy your shotgunning abilities and have no idea that you’ve cheated. Shotgunning only half of your beer (then tossing it), COULD BE THE MOVE!

WARNING: Sooner or later your friends will find out that you’ve been cheating this whole time. I say who cares. Bask in the short-term glory and defend the accusations when they arise, “Ok, this one time I cheated.” Then retire from shotgunning around the people who witnessed you cheat.

– Bobby D.