COULD BE THE MOVE!

This guy fucking brings it. He’s no, “Here’s a good idea lets have Rihanna sing during the chorus.” Or a, “Hip-Hop is dead guy.” He’s the kind of guy who plays with cockroaches. Or as I like to call em’ dickroaches. #cbtm

The best part about Tyler The Creator is his original moves. He constantly calls himself a goblin which is a great insult. “Dude, you’ve been acting like a straight goblin all night.” #cbtm He has a psychotic alter-ego named Wolf.  Creating an alter-ego and constantly referring to him is legendary. #cbtm “Gonna be a crazy night, Deezy might have to make an appearance.”

Also picture this…. It’s your turn to drive for lunch. Your buddy hops in. He starts hearing Tyler absolutely rip the beat with his vulgarity and creativity. Your buddy asks, “Who is this?” …. Respond with, “PSSHH maybe if you took a break listening to the GOO GOO DOLLS YOU’D KNOW!!”… Laugh viciously at your own joke… You’ve officially won #cbtm

- Bobby D.

For those who haven’t read the synopsis of my Rick Pitino movie CHECK IT OUT HERE. 

Now that we’re on the same page let’s talk opening scene.

Before Louisville’s opener he promises a mobster that his team will cover the large spread against Sacramento State. The mobster bets a large amount of money on the game but Louisville doesn’t cover. After the game the mobster approaches Rick. The mobster is clearly pissed and begins to threaten Rick. That’s when Rick starts beating the mobster with his clipboard. Once he’s all bloody and shook up Rick explains to him that he put $3 million on his team not covering the spread. Rick then takes his coaching pen (symbol for death throughout the movie) and stabs the mobster to death. After each kill Rick says something related to basketball… so he hits him with, “It’s called a back door trap.”

CREDITS FLASH: “THE ENTIRELY UNTRUE STORY OF RICK PITINO”

Below are Google searches people used to find CBTM.

*Jerking Off Haircut

*Happy Unpopular Song

*She Cut Me Jerking Off

*The Move E-mail Bathroom

*What is the song they play in knick games and it goes like do do do do do do doo

*Beer cap toss

Below is a diary excerpt from Planet Earth.

April 22nd 2013,

Every Christmas from the age of 4-10 I would put on a play for my family. I did cute things like decorate the stage and create crayon written programs. After every play I was convinced I was the sun. I was convinced I made a difference. I was convinced the universe was a better place. REALITY – NOBODY GAVE TWO SHITS. Thanks to this fuckin’ Earth Day I finally understand how excruciating it must have been to watch one of my horrid plays. Today, on my North America property, I winced at the sight of green wearing sprites enthralled over recycled batteries. RECYCLED BATTERIES? They think a rouge battery is going to fuck up my day? I’ve been around for what.. 4 billion? 5 billion years? The fact they think I’m scared of some fucking Styrofoam is embarrassing. I’m not some moon pussy. I’m planet mothafuckin’ earth. I’m literally scared of nothing. Yeah asteroids are a son of a bitch but they only sting at first. Shit happens, I adapt, I change my ways! These self-centered, mustache sportin’, soy latte’ drinkin’, Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros listenin’ cum stains actually believe they are the reason why my ice-caps are melting. Let me write that again just to amuse myself. They… Think… They… Are… The… Reason… Why… My… Ice-Caps… Are melting… That’s like me believing the position I sit on the couch will change the outcome of the Celtics game. Dumb motherfuckers. I’m no superhero. I’m just like everyone else, I get hot sometimes. So to cool myself down I melt shit. I can’t take off some sweater that says, “Keep Calm and Have Gay Butt Sex”. These hipsters put me on this pedestal! They forget I’m the same person that creates tornadoes, tsunamis, earthquakes and diseases (yes AIDS was me). I’m not a role model! I’m not a LeBron James or an RG3. I’m just a big blue ball. Blue balls aren’t fun, they hurt. I hurt things. I fucking extinct things. People hate Hitler because he tried to extinct a race. Yet they love me because I’m about to finish of the Polar Bear? How’s that work? Whatever, it’s only a matter of time before an asteroid eliminates these cheeky bastards and I’ll have to deal with another worthless species. Until then, happy me day.

-Planet Earth

Someone fuckin’ see me on dat mic…. Wassuhhh DOOO!!!

-DAT BD3

Carmelo Anthony needs your help. He’s looking for the artist/title of a song. The only problem is he doesn’t know any lyrics other than, “Doo Doo Dooo Do Do.”

Carmelo went to Twitter last night in hopes of locating this “dope” track.

“LOOKING FOR DAT DO DO DOO DO DOOO DO song. Song be dope!! Anyone?”

“Alls I know is Do DO DOO DO and some white girl be singing it. Catchy ah fuck!”

“I try typin’ in google, “doo doo do do doo do doo” but Googs be trippin!”

“FOR THE LAST TIME IT AIN’T DAT THIRD EYE-BLIND SONG!”

Yes Carmelo “Googs” be trippin’. This is an example of why it’s essential to have “Midomi”, the song identifier phone app., at your side at all times. You’ll immediately know the song is Tom’s Diner by Suzanne Vega. For the record, yes Carmelo, this track most certainly is “dope”.

Sperry Top-Sider Inc. the loafer/boat shoe company (you know the slippers bros wear) plan to release a Lacrosse cleat Fall 2013. Sperry CEO, Craig Reingold, is confident his company will make a splash in the athletic goods market, “Three things determine a laxer: Flows, egomaniac personalities and Sperrys. Two of the three are routinely showcased in front of nearly empty stadiums. Bring Sperrys to the party… Who knows, maybe those stadiums will only be 3/4 empty.”

Sperry’s creation team informed us a handful of prototypes have already been sent to three perennial college lacrosse teams: Johns Hopkins, Syracuse and Towson University. According to Craig the feedback was extraordinary.

Towson laxer, “No more confusion. Sperry pre-game, Sperry during game, Sperry getting fucked up after game.”

John’s Hopkins laxer, “When I’m out and have my Sperry’s on I’m unstoppable. Grabbing bitches asses, trying to fight their boyfriends. Now Sperry’s on the field? WASSUP DOO!”

Syracuse laxer, “YONOCONDITTILYOCIOUS!! YA BOY CASH! AKA YOUNG! CHEAY!”

I  wish the best of luck to Sperry Top-Sider Inc. in their brave venture through an uncharted market segment. In today’s day and age it’s rare to see a small company cross market boundaries. Although there is word that other bro companies plan to emulate Sperry’s strategy in hopes to capture first to market “bro share”. Skoal will be creating a mouth piece, New Era a snap back helmet and Jaegermeister a sports drink.