GOAT. Definition: Greatest of All-Time. It’s a term I like to throw around as loose as possible. Sure, some people like to save the term for the “so-called” true GOATs: Jordan, Gretzkey, Tu-Pac, Martha Stewart, etc. but I think guys like Johnny Manziel and things like Big Visors and Papa John’s Garlic Sauce deserve a nod as well. Since there are so many GOATs out there (in my fucked up world anyway) it’s sometimes difficult to get a solid gauge for who/what is truly the Greatest of All-Time.

Solution: When labeling someone/something the GOAT first state the person/place/thing. Then depending on how great this thing is pause, pause, pause then deliver GOAT. Note: The longer the pause the harder GOAT must be delivered.

Example 1: You drive by Subway. “$5 footlongs…………… GOOAATT!

Example 2: Gin Blossoms comes on the radio. “Gin Blossoms………………………………. GOOOOAAAATTTTTT!”

Notice the pause was longer with Gin Blossoms which means, on the GOAT scale, Gin Blossoms is higher. Now I know exactly what you’re thinking, “Bobby! What’s the longest GOAT pause you’ve ever given?” Great question. to my knowledge it was a reference to Roy from the Office. “Roy……………………………………………………………………………………………… GOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTT!”

Some of you know. For those who don’t. Your boy cooks some mean Nashville Hot Chicken. It all started when I was craving a really bomb chicken wing. I googled, “Best Chicken Wing in LA” and all that shit. Although I was looking for a sports bar/normal chicken wing situation I came across this place Howlin’ Rays. The Yelp reviews were through the roof and the dude from Hot Ones (Sean Evans) had a video of him and Brian Redban (Dude on Joe Rogan’s Podcast) getting smoked away by their chicken. I had to give it a shot. I tried to get a couple of my work friends to come with me. After weeks of, “Can’t make it this weekend.” I decided to go on this voyage by myself. I went Masters Sunday and waited in line, by myself, for three hours, to buy chicken. It was sweet though, there was some dude from Nashville behind me and we talked about chicken. (Cool story Dolan). Long story short it was the best chicken I ever had in my life. I got Hot and X-Hot Wings. The look on the dude’s face when I get X-Hot was, “Bruh. You’re not ready for this.” He followed his look up with, “Here’s some free fries. You’re gonna need these.” After my taste buds got tossed into a different dimension I made it a mission to learn how to cook the stuff. Recipe after recipe and Youtube video after Youtube video I feel like I have a recipe that’s pretty solid and since it’s on a piece of paper that hangs out in my room I figured I’d post it to my blog that nobody reads. You know, in case I lose the paper. “But Bobby! What if someone steals your recipe and goes on to make millions of dollars?” Grow up dude. This is real life not some Pixar movie.

First you start yourself with a fundamental salt situation. Cover the chicken with a nice thin layer of salt. Work it in there a little bit. Then prepare the marinade. (All scale to 1 lb. of chicken).

– 1 Egg
– 2 Garlic Gloves (Cut to Large Chunks)
– 1 Ghost Pepper
– 1 CUP Whole Milk (A lot of people go with Buttermilk here. I’ve tried it. Not a fan.)
– 2 TBSP Hot Sauce (Any Hot Sauce Works)
– 1 Habenero

Let it sit for 12-24 hours. Or however long. Break the rules. Be free.

Now it’s time for the flour.

– 2 CUP Flour
– 4 TSP Salt
– 2 TSP Pepper

Time to bread it baby. Now the Nashville way is to double bread it. Which means bread it once. Then throw it back in the batter and bread it again. Go ahead and do things your way though. As Bob Ross says, “It’s your world.”

After the bread situation. Go ahead and dump it in the oil (350 Degrees). Now your boy’s got a little deep fryer he got on Amazon. It makes things sooooo much easier. Personally, I use peanut oil, because Howlin’ Rays uses peanut oil and the smell when the chicken is cooking smells soooo much better than vegetable oil.

Alright. Time for the money maker. The Nashville Hot Chicken Coat. First. Get all your spices together.

– 3 TBSP Cayenne Pepper
– 1/2 TBSP Brown Sugar Light
– 3/4 TSP Sea Salt
– 1/2 TSP Paprika
– 1 TSP Garlic Powder
– 1 TSP Pepper

Now add 1/2 Cup of Hot Sunflower Oil to the spices and stir it up. I’d recommend keeping it at a warm temperature. When the chicken is done, throw it in the sauce and toss it the best you can. After the chicken has been coated. I usually throw some extra cayenne pepper on it cause I’m nasty AF. This would be considered a “Mild” taste. If you’re looking to really kick it up a notch. Get yourself some Dried Habeneros/Ghost Peppers and throw them in coffee grinder. After you toss it in the Hot Chicken Coat. Cover it with cayenne, then habenero (Medium/Hot). If you’re trying to murder someone. Cover it with cayenne, habenero and then ghost (Hot/Extra Hot).

Serve with pickles and get smoked.

The hip-hop lifestyle has created tons of trends. Whether it’s Timberland boots, wearing your pant’s low or using words like, “SWAG”. That’s dope and all but how about we take it up a notch and start getting pet Tigers/Cheetahs. I was at a lil’ social shin-dig the other night and the TV was broadcasting hip-hop videos. One video that popped up was Lil’ Pump “Gucci Gang” the other was some Nicki Minaj song. Here’s the link to Lil’ Pump:

I forget what Nicki Minaj song it was and tried Googling it for 3 minutes. Couldn’t find it. So no link for her. GIRL GOTTA BIG OLE’ BUT DOE. But yeah dude. Get yourself a pet tiger. Why not? Get a little Go Fund Me and just bring homeboy/homegirl out in public like it’s no big deal. Go to some hipster brunch spot. “What do you mean? Your sign clearly says pets allowed!…… Well go ahead and call animal services. They know. THEY KNOW!”

I brought this up at the party. Said something dumb like, “Dude. I might try and get a pet tiger.” A very friendly female said, “What about a pet camel also. But call it a Cam – El.” I thought that was gold and told myself I will call camels cam-els for the rest of my life. The best part about pulling off those moves is some people think you’re doing it right. “Oh wow. I didn’t know it was pronounced cam-el.” Or people just think you’re an idiot. Either way it’s a win in my book. Getting a Pet Tiger/Cheetah/Camel Could Be The Move.

This is a cagey veteran troll play. You know it’s CVS and you know it’s CBS but instead of adhering to social norms you decide to throw a little curve ball at your audience and change the names purposely. Why do it though? Why sound like an idiot in front of people? Easy. That 2 seconds of silence where people think…. Did he just say, “I think the game is on CVS?” Is gold. If nobody corrects you. Say it again. Still nothing? Pound it into the ground until someone corrects you. When they do correct you be like. “Yeah that’s what I said, CVS. I need to go to CVS.” …. “Oh I thought you said, CBS.” …. “Why would I need to go to a TV channel?” Followed by extreme manic laughter. “Yeah, John! That’s what I’m going to do. Pick up some cough medicine at CBS. I’ll tell Dan Rather you said, ‘Hi!’ You’re such a fucking idiot, John! FUCK YOU JOHN!” Calling CBS CVS and CVS CBS. Could Be The Move.

Thought of this bad boy during a work lunch. Yeah. A work lunch. Nice little perk. Ole Bobby D. isn’t complaining. Plus a solid quick side move is to scrap some leftovers and  double up with a little dinner. When you’re somewhat young and single you never pass up on an opportunity for free food. Alright, so we had ourselves a nice little Italian lunch: (Boom. A fuckin’ colon. You like that shit?) Pasta, salad and a beautiful antipasto spread. This bad boy was loaded with, olives, banana peppers, fucking other Italian things. It was beautiful. Long story short, the big ole black olives had pits in them. Now we’ve all been there. You either pick up the olive, like a monster, and bite down right through your tooth or you try to stab it with a fork and have that split second thought, “My fork is broken.” Obviously the tooth situation is much worse but I DIGRESS. I’m thinking the move is to help save the day for that fucking animal who’s tossin’ olives back like a handful of bar nuts!  The play is simple, first, pluck an olive from the beautiful antipasto spread and go from table to table warning your fellow co-workers about the pit situation but you have to do it in a fun loving/anxious/grnndma way. Like you have to walk over to the table, not say a word and wait until the attention is on you. Then says something dope like, “Pardon me. I just want to warn you guys that the olives have pits in them. Once again the olives have pits in them. Thank you.” Now when you walk away people will either think you’re hilarious or a weirdo. That all depends on how solid the sense of humor is in the room. Telling people, “The Olives Have Pits In Them.” Could Be The Move.

The Pay Bobby Dolan situation has taken an interesting turn. My friend Myke decided to fine the “Other” Bobby Dolan for being Bobby Dolan.

I also received a Venmo from my buddy Jimmy. Guy’s got class.

It seems like the Bobby Dolan Venmo voyage is coming to an end. If any updates occur I’ll be sure to post them. Thank you. Please advise. God Bless…. Also how about the blackout of Jimmy’s last night. Protecting the identity of your friends on a blog less than 5 people read. Could Be The Move.

My buddy Grant hopped on the pay Bobby Dolan bandwagon and tossed him $1. He’s also trying to get #paybobbydolanadollar trending. I don’t know much about this Bobby Dolan but he sounds like a fuckin’ LEDGE!

Pay Bobby-Dolan-1 a $1. Could Be The Move.