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2023 Moves Madness

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Leave the Door Open.

Leave the Door Open. OG Write Up: First off, wanna give a shoutout to @knightstagramm for putting this back on my radar. I distinctively remember seeing this go down and thinking, “What a Move. Write it down. Dude you’re at a movie you’ll remember it” and I didn’t remember it, so thanks @knightstagramm

Now I’m gonna be honest, I’m not smooth enough for a Move like this. Not in my DNA and you know what… I’m ok with that. Sometimes you gotta take a step back and realize you’re not a guy that can get 20 everynight. Teams need 3 and D role players too.

Seriously man, when it comes to the goodbye/“Hey wanna come inside and play Mario Kart” moment I usually stumble. I don’t completely butcher the situation but there’s not a whole lot of smooth to my game. Maybe it’s because I try and use my words as opposed to a physical action that insights a, “Wanna come inside for a little Jai Paul and makeout sesh?”

I need that in my life. A Jennifer Connelly visual tip of the cap. A modern day, “Do you like me? Yes or No?” note. It’s a lot better than a, “Hey so I got Cheez Its and Coors Lights if you wanna come inside and kick it.” Don’t get me wrong a straight up honest audible invitation can play but you lose some of that “oh it’s about to go down” tension.

This exact Move isn’t for me. I’m usually not getting dropped off on a motorcycle and my Hinge date most likely won’t watch me walk inside my apartment. Plus the lighting around my door is atrocious, she won’t even be able to see if the door is open or not. But as far as a physical invitation for some Attack on Titan and EDM think there’s something there and I think it Could Be The Move.

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The Beer Cup.

This Move had me flabbergasted. Your boy was enjoying a beautiful Scottsdale night, absolutely stripin’ nine irons and I walk past a handful of beers with the tops straight ripped off. What blew my mind was how clean the rip was. Looked like an absolute pro took their time with a god damn can opener.

My buddy Kenward must’ve spotted my bewilderment. He approached and said something along the lines of, “How bout this Move dude.” Picking up one of the scalped beer cans. We were both amazed, curious, even a little scared… At least I was anyway. “Yeah man.. He does this all the time,” said Kenward. I was shook. Kenward knew this person! I responded quickly, “Who?” Kenward pointed over to good ole @featherstonerusty who was in the middle of flushing a 7-iron. I should’ve known. I had the pleasure of sharing an office space with Mr. Featherstone during the summer of 2022 and would never put a savvy Move past him. Guy’s as cagey as they come. I had to see it live and I did… Just a beautiful thing.

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Be the Person With Mints.

Tweeted about this a couple weeks ago but figured it needed more of my time and attention. High on this Move for a lot of reasons.

First, is it just me or do mints feel old-school? I haven’t checked the data in a while but mint stock seems to have slowly declined throughout the last couple years. Altoids gave it a solid bump, probably peaked when said company dropped those little sour numbers. Oh man… Back when the mint game was elite. Imagine the clown that decided, “Hey… So this is our most popular item. People love it. Let’s stop making it!” Bozoville USA. But yeah… That old-school feel gives off the impression, “I’ve been around. I’ve seen a few things. Wacky gum flavors, the Stride explosion but here I am back to the basics with my mints.” Cultured, appreciate the classics vibe.

Secondly, there’s some primal connection going on when someone offers you a mint. It’s a truce. I got you, you got me. Back in the day it might’ve been squirrel meat or some shit. Sure some might argue the modern day alliance is a follow for a follow but I disagree. Nothing physical is being exchanged in this instance, the exchange of a delicious treat is what the brain connects. It’s a beautiful thing.

So shoutout to all those people that still carry mints. You’re appreciated.

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Class Up the Fast Food.

An OG writeup…. Had to go old school on this one. Was thinking about making this a video but deep down I knew I wouldn’t be able to effectively communicate how I truly feel.

Life comes at you fast. One minute you’re at work firing off emails, the next you’re rushing to your intramural basketball game, all of a sudden you’re back at your apartment with a bag of fast food queing up the Yanks/Os highlights. In this fast paced environment it’s easy to sacrifice: Maybe push back a call to the Mom, “I’ll do laundry tomorrow”, or even the ole’ “I’ll just use this bag as a plate so I don’t have to do the dishes” Move.

Sure… there was a place and time where I believed the “bag plate” Could Be The Move. Quick cleanup and at the end of the day just got the job done. Little did I know a consequence of this Move would be a snowball of effecient sloppy Moves. My brain disregarded class and self respect. The efficeint switch had been fully flipped and all I looked for were different ways to save time and money. Until one day @aenemated sent me a post of him plating fast food. I gave it a try…. Immediately I could feel my brain slick it’s hair back and throw on a tie; I was classy again.

Marty takes it a step further. Not only is he plating his bacon McDouble and medium fry but he adds a lovely ketchup decour. All of a sudden we’re at a cool new burger joint in town. A place with records on the wall and Sublime Spotify radio playing. Good for you Marty. Stay classy. Class Up the Fast Food. Could Be The Move.

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Chair at the DMV

Could be wrong but I feel like this is a Move a lot of people have thought about. A Move that’s often brought up as a quick side joke, “Look at this line. Should’ve brought a chair.” But when the moment comes, as you walk out the door, you never think… “Man… I should really bring a chair.”

Not sure how to categorize this type of Move. Cagey? Sure. Original? Not really. And I don’t mean that out of disrespect. It’s a great Move, it makes a lot of sense, I”ve heard people talk about it but executed? Not really. Similar vibes to when I was in college and about 15 people told me their plan was to get a family style picture taken and hung up in their apartment. How many family style pictures did I see my Sr. year? 0.

Chances are extremely low JT’s heard of Could Be The Move. Then again, who knows, maybe Top 25 golfer in the world Abraham Ancer mentioned it to him. Shoutout . But I have so many questions for him. What kind of chair was it? How long was the line? Was there some sort of reading material involved or was my man just sitting and staring off? Was the chair worth it or did the line Move pretty quick? Either way, at the end of the day, here’s a guy executing.

Sure, I’m a sucker for breaking down Moves that no normal human being should ever attempt. It’s fun, there’s a satirical element to it and the imagination gets stimulated. As for Moves that seem obvious, are easy to execute and dare I say inspiring… Well I tend to shy away. Thank you homie who brought the chair to the DMV and thank you JT for documenting .God bless.

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Wear Your Own Jersey to the Bar.

Not gonna try and act holier here. There was a time in college when I legit thought about wearing my flag football jersey to the bar after putting on an absolute clinic in the championship game. I bailed but the thought was there. 

Now let’s raise the stakes. I’m the number 1 pick in the NFL draft, I hit up a happy hour with my buddies, polish off 5 Coors Lights, we place a last minute bet on ASU football +6.5. We decide the play is my spot then roll over to the bars. My place is absolutely buzzin’:. Connoisseur on the aux, ASU just covered, we get a team shotgun going’. Uber’s five minutes out, “Dude you should wear your jersey.” “Nahhh c’mon man.” The peer pressure begins. Everyone’s gassing you up, trying to get you to throw on the jersey. Two moves here, laugh it off and roll out. Possibly say some funny line to fizzle the peer pressure flames. Or…..  Or you say no for the 6th time, run upstairs “to go to the bathroom”… “Uber’s here!” You roll down with your jersey on and the place explodes. 

Not saying this is how it went down but I think it’s important to keep your mind open as to why someone pulls off a certain Move. Did he throw it on for a squad giggle? Or was it to send a message? “My town now Kobe” (rip). However you slice it and dice it… I’m thinking it Could Be The Move.

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French Press at Work.

I’ve personally never been a massive coffee guy. Now don’t get me wrong, I respect a nice $6 cup from time to time but it’s not going to make or break me. Not the type of guy who grimaces as I sip 7-11 coffee. Say something pretentious like, “No wonder the public loves their creamer.” I also won’t sip an Intelligentsia coffee, smack my lips a couple times and drop a, “Wow. That’s smokey”. I do it for the buzz. Plain and simple.

Even though I don’t have a deep appreciation for coffee I’ve always respected those who do. These people fascinate me. They sip a dark, bitter, warm beverage and start describing it with words I didn’t know existed in the coffee world. Sweet, nutty, fruity, acidic, like bro…. It’s coffee. Sure I could probably learn: Sign up for some coffee of the month club, get a YouTube degree, go through a cool, not on the menu tasting at my local coffee shop but to be honest… I really don’t care. Would rather get my buzz and live vicariously through those who know what’s up.

Used to work with a guy who pulled this Move off. Dude would roll up with a big ole French press and make his own coffee. I remember the first time I saw him pull this off. It forever changed the way I thought about him.

We used to work in separate buildings. He was a nice guy. Played golf with him on occasion, decent player. (Kind of a goofy swing but got it around.) He knew his sports, could rip back some beers, all the ingredients for someone to transition from co-worker to “get hammered on the weekends together” but it never happened. We were always in that in-between stage. The relationship never took the jump. A part of me always thought it was mutual. Sort of like a, “Hey, we gotta good thing going but we both have plenty of friends.” I was cool with it.

Until one day I went over to the other building. I was making my rounds, “Hey Tom!” “You son of a bitch!” “Guess they’ll let anyone in here.” Then I spotted him, at his desk, grinding with a big ole French press by his side. I hit him with a, “Make your own… Nice!” He quickly acknowledged my coffee statement then changed the subject. We talked for a little then I bounced. As I was walking back to my area of work. My head was spinning. I had so many unanswered questions. Was he an undercover coffee snob? A guy who knew his stuff but was humble enough to not flex on everyone. A guy with sophisticated taste who can’t drink what the other office plebs drink. Maybe it was his choice not to be, “Get hammered on the weekend” buddies. Maybe I was the Fringe Guy….

That day I learned a lot. I learned a French press at work goes a long way. Causes intrigue, curiosity, makes people think… Which is why I think it Could Be The Move.

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Going Into the Woman’s Bathroom to Run Game.

Top Gun. Maverick. Dude put on a straight up clinic in this movie. His game was absolutely unstoppable. Jordan’s flu game, Hendrix at Woodstock, Maverick in Top Gun. One of the great performances and nobody’s talking about it.

There’s a number of Moves I could highlight here: The classic She’s Lost That Loving Feeling, or how about I’m Gonna Take a Shower…. maybe I go with an underrated deep cut Ice Water.

I decided to roll with the most high-risk, low-reward Move and that’s Maverick Rolling Into the Woman’s Room... Let’s talk about it.

Maverick just got done with his patented, She’s Lost That Loving Feeling bit. She seems to genuinely dig it. You could argue Maverick put waayyyy to much pressure on her. All of the attention is on them, solid vibe/everybody’s having a good time, what’s she supposed to do? Turn him down and kill the bars buzz? That point though gets immediately shutdown once they start conversing. They’re into eachother, flirtatious body language from both. In a cute/fun roundabout way she asks how he thinks their encounter is going. Maverick reponds with, “I don’t know I’ll tell you tomorrow but it’s looking good so far.” Agressive. She gets a touch bashful, says her friends just arrived, they have another cute quick banter and then she bails. Maverick is beside himself, beats himself up a touch, then sees an opportunity and strikes.

Here’s where the magic happens. A lesser man would chalk it up as a loss, move on. Not Maverick. He didn’t obesses over the negative, her bailing. He trusted his gut, realized a vibe was there and pushed the chips in. She goes to the bathroom. He follows, stands outside the door gives a shooters shoot smirk and goes in. Door opens, her eyes glance over, she smiles clearly digs the Move. Their talking close, she goes, “What do you want to do just drop down on the tile and go for it?” Now this is where we seperate the men from the boys. Guy like me? I’d squirm, say something stupid. Completely butcher the vibe. Not Mav though, Mav goes, “Actually… I had this counter in mind.” I mean, talk about returning a sharp serve right back to her. All while staying in the pocket, staying close, keeping the vibe. Incredible. They have another quick cute back and forth but she bails. Does it immediately work out? No. They go their seperate ways. Mav has no idea who she is, thinks he failed. Little does he know dude set the foundation.

I’d argue they don’t become a thing without that bathroom Move. They got some quiet time, a one on one interaction, the conversation turned sexual. I mean she clearly dug it. Would I recommend this Move? No. Now maybe this shit could play in the 80s but nowadays I’d say 95% of girls would be creeped out but that’s the thing though…. If you pull this off on one of those 5 percenters…. I think it Could Be The Move.

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Box Seats To-Go Beers.

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