This move was performed on me at the age of 17. It’s very simple. If you’re in the backseat go ahead and sit behind the driver. When he starts to drive, cover his eyes and scream. Now I’m not talking about a long eye cover. I’m talking about a quick one second eye cover situation. It’ll get a laugh from the person riding shotgun just about every time. The drivers reaction is more of a question mark. They usually get startled and react with a, “What are you doing?”  Then as the adrenaline settles they usually let out a little laugh. Or even a charming, “You got me smirk.” Covering Someone’s Eyes and Screaming While They Drive.

Big Brother man. They’re out there. They’re hanging on your every move. Oh look, a bicycle, let me click on that real quick. BAM! Bicycles all over the god damn place. Your Facebook Page, ESPN.com, YouTube, fucking everywhere man! Targeted Marking, it’s something you’ll never be able escape. What you can do though is out smart it. Since Zuckerburg and the Boys have the ability to track every click, my resolution is simple, start clicking some cool shit. You like bulldogs? Go to Amazon and type in bulldog calendars. Click every bulldog calendar in sight. The next day head on over to Facebook and check out all the cute bulldogs frolicking your page. Clicking Cute Shit on Amazon So Your Facebook Ads are Full of Cute Shit. Could Be The Move.

For all you hardcore Could Be The Move fans out there (maybe one or two). You might remember a move, “Adding Your Own Flare to Songs.” I was going to link it to this move since it’s pretty much the same thing but I have no idea where it is. I guess I deleted it or some shit. Anyways, this move is slightly more specific so here it goes. Just add “Penis” to any music lyric. Simple, fundamental, to the point. Now I didn’t invent this move, my buddy did, but I thought it was gold. He sent me a Snap of him singing Cake, “I want a girl with a shirt skirt and a loooooooooong PENIS.” Hilarious! I had to respond. So I threw a little Depeche Mode at him, “Reach out and touch MY PENIS!” Adding “Penis” to songs. Could Be The Move.

Quiznos kind of sucks. It didn’t at first though, I mean, it probably did but my brain was too busy being blown away at the idea of a sandwich being toasted right in front of me. Heck, I remember my first Quiznos experience. Got it to go and ate it back at my buddy Philip’s place. (Shoutout Frederick, Maryland!) It was a nice little experience, I got to see the toast machine in action, I got pink lemonade, did work on some Batch 81 sauce. Delicious. An overall solid experience. After several years living a Quiznosless life my curiosity was sparked by an ad for a new Quiznos sub. They called it,”The Torpedo.” It looked tremendous. It was long, toasty, fucking meat was flying out of the god damn thing. Not only did it look bad-ass but the commercial had a shit-ton of swag. They boasted about the length and even did a side by side comparison with a Subway foot-long. Sure it was a touch aggressive but I dig aggressive marketing; especially when it comes to sandwiches. So I tried it out and was extremely disappointed, it was long, skinny and had no meat. Sure my meal was a let down but for some reason I still had a great time. Why? Well because tilting my head and getting the perfect view of my sub coming out of the toaster is a fucking rush!

With all that being said I’m thinking the move is to bring a loaf into Quiznos and see if they’ll toast a couple slices. “Hey man, got some bologna in the car. Hoping you could run a couple slices through for me.” “Yo dude, cool if I use this bad boy for a second?” When they say no hit em’ with, “What? Why not? I thought you guys toast here.” Bringing Bread to Quiznos and See If They’ll Toast It. Could Be The Move.

We live in a digital world where texts, Facebook messages, emails and all of that other shit is read in certain tones. The person typing the message might have the best intentions in the world but for whatever reason the person reading it may have a “bitchy”, “condescending” tone in their head. My favorite is when someone hits me with ALL CAPS. YOU IMMEDIATELY HEAR A VOICE SHOUTING IN YOUR HEAD. If I start typing with…… Dots….. Maybe the voice changes to your college professor who took long breaks between sentences. You start reading a bunch of “quotes” maybe the voice gets a little more smug. Since most of you reading this already know me, the voice in your head is probably me. Which is kinda weird and made feel uncomfortable for a second. Now that you’ve realized the power you have…. Make a fucking weird voice. Like, “GAME?!?! ARE YOU COMING OVER FOR THE GAME!?!?!” “I AM GOING TO PICK YOU UP THEN WE GO TO LUNCH!” Now they have this weird inner voice every time you text them and all you did is make a couple grammatical changes. Don’t be scared to make it weird, “HELLO!?!? HOPE YOU’RE HAVING DAY!!!! I’LL PICK YOU PU AT NOON THEN WE”LL GO TO YUMMY FOOD YUM! HAHAJEHAJAHEHAJAJ :)::))L:))::))))).” Creating A Weird Voice/Character In Someone’s Head, Could Be The Move.

No Jeff :(. Jackie got a banjo. Bobby plays it and falls in love. He makes a song up on the spot, sings at the top of his lungs and I’m pretty sure scares Jackie. Jackie drops a great quote. It starts with her saying, “In MMA you’re trying to knock the person out right?” Bobby responds with, “Yeah. you’re trying to knock them out in boxing to.” Jackie: “How though if you have pillows on your hands?” I’ve listened to that part 6 times and it has made me laugh every time.