Insulting Every Detail About Someone’s Meal

We live in a world of competition. Only one guy can get the job, only one team can win the championship, and only one guy can take home the hottie  (insert three-way joke here). I consider myself an extremely competitive person. Anything I do in life I want to be the best at. Surprisingly, my competitive spirit truly shines when I’m ordering food at a restaurant. Most ordinary people order their food, sit down, ask what the other person is having, eat, and politely ask if the other enjoyed their meal. What makes me different from the ordinary? Well, I’ll tell ya! I make it my sole responsibility to make sure the other person I’m eating with knows my meal is much more delicious than theirs. Here’s how you do it. Once you place your order, immediately talk it up, “This is going to be amazing.” Then once your friend orders, quickly condescend his choice, “Wow dude, that sounds awful, really? That’s all you got?” Once you both begin to eat make sure you overreact on how delicious your meal is, “This may be a top 5 sandwich of all-time.” When your buddy asks for some, give him a little and then reach over and attack his food. Now here’s the key, you must make sure you destroy any self-confidence he may have left by insulting his meal. “Dude this is really bad, what a pathetic order.” Then go back to your meal smiling away. This may sound like a tool-bag move and you know what it, it pretty much is BUT when you’re somewhat athletic and somewhat good looking it’s fun to finally win; why not win at your local restaurant. Insulting someones order/meal COULD BE THE MOVE!

– Bobby D.

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