The Olives Have Pits In Them

Thought of this bad boy during a work lunch. Yeah. A work lunch. Nice little perk. Ole Bobby D. isn’t complaining. Plus a solid quick side move is to scrap some leftovers and  double up with a little dinner. When you’re somewhat young and single you never pass up on an opportunity for free food. Alright, so we had ourselves a nice little Italian lunch: (Boom. A fuckin’ colon. You like that shit?) Pasta, salad and a beautiful antipasto spread. This bad boy was loaded with, olives, banana peppers, fucking other Italian things. It was beautiful. Long story short, the big ole black olives had pits in them. Now we’ve all been there. You either pick up the olive, like a monster, and bite down right through your tooth or you try to stab it with a fork and have that split second thought, “My fork is broken.” Obviously the tooth situation is much worse but I DIGRESS. I’m thinking the move is to help save the day for that fucking animal who’s tossin’ olives back like a handful of bar nuts!  The play is simple, first, pluck an olive from the beautiful antipasto spread and go from table to table warning your fellow co-workers about the pit situation but you have to do it in a fun loving/anxious/grnndma way. Like you have to walk over to the table, not say a word and wait until the attention is on you. Then says something dope like, “Pardon me. I just want to warn you guys that the olives have pits in them. Once again the olives have pits in them. Thank you.” Now when you walk away people will either think you’re hilarious or a weirdo. That all depends on how solid the sense of humor is in the room. Telling people, “The Olives Have Pits In Them.” Could Be The Move.

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