Using Awful Metaphors To Describe How Heavy Something Is

You’re thirsty…. You walk your lazy ass over to the fridge. No beer, no soda, water sucks, hell lets have some Orange Juice. *You know the Orange Juice you bought to make mimosas for Sunday morning football. Your friends made fun of you for even asking if they wanted a mimosa… You know.* As you begin to reach for the OJ your subconscious predicts how the carton of Orange Juice is going feel. When you begin lifting, for a split nano-second you are convinced that you are the strongest person in the world… Until your brain catches up and concludes… No more OJ. Where there is a yin there is also a yang. Like the times when you reach for a suitcase and realize, “Holy shit this is heavy.” Not a fun realization, humbling… yes. Fun.. no. Usually when this moment occurs you breathe a little heavier, you grunt a little louder and you try extremely hard to hide the fact that you desperately need assistance.

In these types of situations it’s best to deflect the negative attention off of you and on to somebody else… Not only deflect but mix in a little confusion. Example: You pick up a suitcase and it’s heavy as hell. “Wow… Wuddya travel with balloons?” …. “This is heavier than a hockey puck.” “Wuddya got Diet Coke’s in there?” Now all onlookers have to carefully analyze what exactly is it your saying. “Is he serious?” “Is he that dumb?” “Was that sarcasm or a bad joke?” As they analyze your dumbass comment they are no longer aware of your heavy grunts and sweaty palms. Using Awful Metaphors To Describe How Heavy Something Is Could Be The Move.

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