Getting a Pet Tiger/Cheetah/Camel and Bringing it to Brunch.

The hip-hop lifestyle has created tons of trends. Whether it’s Timberland boots, wearing your pant’s low or using words like, “SWAG”. That’s dope and all but how about we take it up a notch and start getting pet Tigers/Cheetahs. I was at a lil’ social shin-dig the other night and the TV was broadcasting hip-hop videos. One video that popped up was Lil’ Pump “Gucci Gang” the other was some Nicki Minaj song. Here’s the link to Lil’ Pump:

I forget what Nicki Minaj song it was and tried Googling it for 3 minutes. Couldn’t find it. So no link for her. GIRL GOTTA BIG OLE’ BUT DOE. But yeah dude. Get yourself a pet tiger. Why not? Get a little Go Fund Me and just bring homeboy/homegirl out in public like it’s no big deal. Go to some hipster brunch spot. “What do you mean? Your sign clearly says pets allowed!…… Well go ahead and call animal services. They know. THEY KNOW!”

I brought this up at the party. Said something dumb like, “Dude. I might try and get a pet tiger.” A very friendly female said, “What about a pet camel also. But call it a Cam – El.” I thought that was gold and told myself I will call camels cam-els for the rest of my life. The best part about pulling off those moves is some people think you’re doing it right. “Oh wow. I didn’t know it was pronounced cam-el.” Or people just think you’re an idiot. Either way it’s a win in my book. Getting a Pet Tiger/Cheetah/Camel Could Be The Move.

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Calling CBS CVS and CVS CBS

This is a cagey veteran troll play. You know it’s CVS and you know it’s CBS but instead of adhering to social norms you decide to throw a little curve ball at your audience and change the names purposely. Why do it though? Why sound like an idiot in front of people? Easy. That 2 seconds of silence where people think…. Did he just say, “I think the game is on CVS?” Is gold. If nobody corrects you. Say it again. Still nothing? Pound it into the ground until someone corrects you. When they do correct you be like. “Yeah that’s what I said, CVS. I need to go to CVS.” …. “Oh I thought you said, CBS.” …. “Why would I need to go to a TV channel?” Followed by extreme manic laughter. “Yeah, John! That’s what I’m going to do. Pick up some cough medicine at CBS. I’ll tell Dan Rather you said, ‘Hi!’ You’re such a fucking idiot, John! FUCK YOU JOHN!” Calling CBS CVS and CVS CBS. Could Be The Move.

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The Olives Have Pits In Them

Thought of this bad boy during a work lunch. Yeah. A work lunch. Nice little perk. Ole Bobby D. isn’t complaining. Plus a solid quick side move is to scrap some leftovers and  double up with a little dinner. When you’re somewhat young and single you never pass up on an opportunity for free food. Alright, so we had ourselves a nice little Italian lunch: (Boom. A fuckin’ colon. You like that shit?) Pasta, salad and a beautiful antipasto spread. This bad boy was loaded with, olives, banana peppers, fucking other Italian things. It was beautiful. Long story short, the big ole black olives had pits in them. Now we’ve all been there. You either pick up the olive, like a monster, and bite down right through your tooth or you try to stab it with a fork and have that split second thought, “My fork is broken.” Obviously the tooth situation is much worse but I DIGRESS. I’m thinking the move is to help save the day for that fucking animal who’s tossin’ olives back like a handful of bar nuts!  The play is simple, first, pluck an olive from the beautiful antipasto spread and go from table to table warning your fellow co-workers about the pit situation but you have to do it in a fun loving/anxious/grnndma way. Like you have to walk over to the table, not say a word and wait until the attention is on you. Then says something dope like, “Pardon me. I just want to warn you guys that the olives have pits in them. Once again the olives have pits in them. Thank you.” Now when you walk away people will either think you’re hilarious or a weirdo. That all depends on how solid the sense of humor is in the room. Telling people, “The Olives Have Pits In Them.” Could Be The Move.

iTunes Download

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Pay Bobby Dolan Pt. 3

The Pay Bobby Dolan situation has taken an interesting turn. My friend Myke decided to fine the “Other” Bobby Dolan for being Bobby Dolan.

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I also received a Venmo from my buddy Jimmy. Guy’s got class.

Screen Shot 2017-06-24 at 12.21.52 PM.pngIt seems like the Bobby Dolan Venmo voyage is coming to an end. If any updates occur I’ll be sure to post them. Thank you. Please advise. God Bless…. Also how about the blackout of Jimmy’s last night. Protecting the identity of your friends on a blog less than 5 people read. Could Be The Move.

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Pay Bobby Dolan a Dollar

My buddy Grant hopped on the pay Bobby Dolan bandwagon and tossed him $1. He’s also trying to get #paybobbydolanadollar trending. I don’t know much about this Bobby Dolan but he sounds like a fuckin’ LEDGE!

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Pay Bobby-Dolan-1 a $1. Could Be The Move.

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Venmoing People With Your Name

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Can’t take credit for this one. This move was done by my neighbor.

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Covering Someone’s Eyes and Screaming While They Drive.

This move was performed on me at the age of 17. It’s very simple. If you’re in the backseat go ahead and sit behind the driver. When he starts to drive, cover his eyes and scream. Now I’m not talking about a long eye cover. I’m talking about a quick one second eye cover situation. It’ll get a laugh from the person riding shotgun just about every time. The drivers reaction is more of a question mark. They usually get startled and react with a, “What are you doing?”  Then as the adrenaline settles they usually let out a little laugh. Or even a charming, “You got me smirk.” Covering Someone’s Eyes and Screaming While They Drive.

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